Monday, March 8, 2010

I'm still at war with the War of Art

Sigh. I'm going to catch a lot of hell for this.

After commenting on the post about Pressfield's book on this delightfully named website -

The World's Strongest Librarian: http://bit.ly/b6WuW1

- I got a couple of responses, and all of them defended the book. I was perplexed until a couple of comments on that site made me realize something I had forgotten: lots of people have never thought of their procrastinating behavior as 'Resistance,' or even that procrastination/avoidance has a name. And, though they don't specifically say it, the name indicates a thought that is radical the first time you think it: some part of you is procrastinating deliberately.

It is an exciting thought but it makes me realize that such people are at the beginning. I've been working with resistance so much and for so long, that I continually forget that.

Here's the very thoughtful (and most relevant) comment about my comment:

Jenny March 6, 2010 at 9:51 pm
Thanks for the information Barbara. I’ll definitely check out your site. Personally, I love the way Pressfield presents everything so simply. I think the concepts you bring up are very interesting but perhaps a little more in depth than many people want to/or are willing to go? I wouldn’t knock his book because of it because what I love about it is that he simply defines the issue and then gives real ways to fix it in your life. Regardless, thanks for stopping by and for sharing.


I was considering that when a few more posts showed up (by a number of posters who probably didn't see my comment) that proved her point. This is the best example:

"I’m freaked out that it has a name now. This concept is blowing me away because now it has a name. It’s something tangible and something that I can stare in the face and say, 'hi, let’s get over it.'"

From that came two more thoughts:

First: I remember occasionally hearing the same thing from my live audiences or via emails. So Jenny is right and I have to remember that from now on.

Second: Why did she have to end her comment with "It’s something...that I can stare in the face and say, 'hi, let’s get over it.'"

Now I have to get back into the ring. Damn it.

The term "Resistance," really is an exciting description of procrastination. It has echoes of "Resistance fighters." It's a revelation when you first discover your passive procrastinating for what it really is: a part of you that will actually battle your efforts to do what you want to do.

Now, that might seem obvious, and it made me smile at her delight in finally seeing procrastination for what it really is. But then I looked at the final sentence in that comment: "It’s something...that I can stare in the face and say, 'hi, let’s get over it.'"

And therein lies the rub.

I don't want to say anything bad about Pressfield's book. It's a beautiful book and he's a very good writer. That's one of the highest compliments I give. And his book is among the best I've seen with his message. And I don't want to provoke a lot of angry or defensive responses either. I thought about letting this whole thing pass and forgetting about it. But I can't.

Because I want to check up a few weeks or months down the road on that poster -- and the others like her -- who said "It’s something...that I can stare in the face and say, 'hi, let’s get over it,'"so I can ask them a question that's always burning in my brain at these times: 'How's that working for you?'

Invigorating calls to action like Pressfield's are irresistible. And traditional: (Once more unto the breach!) and the best ones will launch a pleasurable fresh resolve to conquer our blocks to action.

It never lasts, but, you might say, so what? If it gets you started again and makes you feel you have some control over that dream-killer, procrastination, where's the harm?

Here's my answer: There's no harm at all if you end up thinking, "Hey, maybe this doesn't work. Maybe resistance isn't all that easy to conquer. Maybe I need to know more."

But experience tells me that this isn't not what most people think when that exhilarating feeling fades and their efforts to write or paint or market their business once again grind to a halt. What they think -- and this is why I keep getting cranky about it -- is, "I've failed again."

You're okay if you say "I tried, it didn't work, let's return it." You're not okay if you believe that "I tried it, it didn't work for me, it works for better people, it's my fault."

If it really were your fault, that might be accurate. But it isn't.

And yet people keep saying it in my classes, in emails, on teleclasses: "I know I should think more positively/I know I should be able to conquer this procrastination, I've tried but I couldn't do it -- I'll try again," as they try once again to rev themselves up like a coach at halftime."

And I feel like someone is setting them up to think they should be able to do something that real humans can't do: conquer that powerful, primitive inner impulse to resist, with nothing but that unreliable newcomer, will power.

It's like having your 7 year old kid come home from school believing he's a failure because he can't sink a basketball through a hoop designed for taller people. You want to know who told him that and give them a piece of your mind.

In this case, we humans, all of us, are that 7-year-old kid. We can't make war on resistance and hope to win and I want to know who told us that we could. We have to quit trying the same thing and expecting different results. There are better ways to melt resistance.

Feel free to ask me what I believe they are.

14 comments:

  1. Hi Barbara,

    The clue is in the name of his book, isn't it? It's about making war against a foe you can't hope to defeat. I much prefer your approach (as I understand it): yes, look your resistance in the eye, but not to "get over it", rather to understand it (and consequently, yourself) and then use that valuable information to negotiate your way around it (now carrying a sackful of useful and enriching information about yourself and your tendencies).

    I think your upcoming book on resistance is ever more needed! Maybe you should call it "The Dance With Resistance: The Push And Pull Of A Life's Work" or something like that :0) I also think "The Resistance Whisperer" would be a great title...

    Brian

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  2. Thanks, Brian. Yes, you understand the basic thing I'm trying to say: there's a reason we resist and it's worth finding out what it is. Not only will it give you that sackful of important information about yourself, and allow you to 'negotiate your way around it' (I've never heard it described better) instead of doing battle with it, but there are also a whole series of jolly, unintended consequences.

    For example, you might find a kernel of sadness at the bottom of some resistance and express a little of it -- and suddenly colors become brighter and more intense. Or you might discover some buried anger, take a little time explore it, and when you're finished find yourself laughing like you haven't laughed in years.

    When you're resisting something, that means there's mail in the mailbox, and you'd be wise to open and read it.

    I hear you about the book. But these days I'm thinking I'd rather set up a subscription site and start sending out everything I'd ordinarily put in a book. For one thing, I've got a lot of good stuff I've been saving, and it's in so many formats (audio clips, videos from TV shows and retreats, radio interviews and answers to letters etc.) that won't fit in a book but would be just right if they arrived in your inbox 3 or 4 times a week.

    I've been thinking about that a lot this month. Not sure I'm willing to lock myself away from people just so, a few years later, a book will appear. (I did that already :-)

    But an interactive site will let me be in contact with people right away, tossing ideas and opinions, problems and solutions back and forth (like we're doing here. Responsive. To me, that's always the best part.

    So, thanks for your comment (and remind me to call you when I need a title. You're good!)

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  3. Okay, Barbara, I'll bite.

    What are better ways to melt resistance?

    Larissa

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  4. I'm posting this for Susan J., because she couldn't get this posted and emailed it to me:

    theheartsvoice

    I'm with you Barbara. And I have to say that I'm so glad to hear your take on this because I've felt like a voice in the wilderness myself on the topic. I also blog extensively about resistance, and while I'm grateful for Steven Pressfield getting concept of resistance out there, and all the new attention that it's getting since the publication of Seth's book Linchpin, the exhortation there, too, is to "defeat it" - yet another battle metaphor.

    I'm getting tired of these and find it hard, like you, to keep hearing people talk about their failure to defeat it like it means there's something wrong with them. The message I'm working the hardest to get out there is this:

    1. Resistance is natural and human and it cares about our safety and survival and we don't ever want it to stop doing that.

    2. Our hearts/souls are meant to call us beyond the comfortable limits of what our resistance thinks is "safe, through our genius ideas, deep desires and seeking of our purpose.

    3. When we bring our caring and our awareness to the point where our desires and our resistance meet, a transformation happens - and I believe that's really the whole point! And it's only the things we desire the most that will call us to this transformation.

    The problem is, the wall of shame and self-pity that builds up in the stories we tell about our ongoing failure becomes the biggest obstacle of all. (You can catch my response to Seth at theheartsvoice.com)

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  5. Musealot:

    One way is to stop trying to do things alone. Take a class, or get a coach or a buddy. Make promises and set deadlines. If someone is waiting to see something from you, chances are much better that you'll deliver, just like you did in school. For an ongoing project that lasts longer than a football game, this will work to overcome resistance. It takes structure and accountability.

    Of course, there are simpler things we resist, and those have simpler solutions. (Just google Procrastination and you'll find all sorts of tips and tricks. I handed out some good ones on my Resistance Teleclass last week, and will do so again on Mar 18.

    And then there are the more difficult projects, the ones where you're paralyzed and a team or a class can't help -- and that's when we go looking for the source.

    To do that on your own, check out 'Jet Clarity' in my book, 'I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was.' (Check the index.)

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  6. Barbara, an interactive subscription site would be terrific! (I'd definitely sign up...) It would be particularly useful in terms of helping people deal with their resistance, because as you righly point out, isolation often intensifies resistance. There can be few better uses of today's internet technology than joining people up so they can achieve their dreams (which is why I love your #ideaparty concept on Twitter!)

    Brian

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  7. Barbara There is an interesting book by Dr Robert Maurer Kaizen Once small step can change your life ~ which talks of resistance/overwhelm/sabotage and how our brains jump in to keep us safe ~ he shows ways to tiptoe past the old blighter and keep resistance asleep ~ some of it works for me some of the time ~ some interesting reading if nothing else x Detta

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  8. Ok - if one is going to use the "war" analogy, and think of resistance as a "resistance fighter"...

    Wouldn't it make sense to find out WHY it's a resistance fighter?

    People questioned George Washington's ability as a general, and even personal sanity because he treated his British prisoners so well.

    But his take on it all was this: if treated well, are they going to want to go back over to the British? In time, might they at least offer up valuable information? Or even become Americans?

    Yeah, you can approach resistance with the attitude of "Alright, let's get it over with". But I agree - how's that working?

    Instead, what about "Hello, old friend. You've saved my @$$ on more than one occasion. For that I'm thankful. What can I help you with? What do you need?"

    Even if, for some reason you do need to "go to war with it", why not just out-maneuver and out-flank it?

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  9. Oh, and I would TOTALLY buy into a subscription service from a wonderful writer like yourself. It's actually easier for me to digest than a book right now.

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    1. It's at www.barbarasclub.com She's deciding on doing a second year of membership - so your encouragement could help her decide on that.

      I've just finished being a member participating in the first year of the membership site - and it was awesome. Very productive it was to be nudged along gradually instead of getting everything all in one breath-taking whuuump and being overwhelmed.

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  10. Thanks, Barbara. You're the first person I've heard who agrees with me that this book is not the be-all-end-all answer. In fact, I don't think it's the answer at all. Lord knows, I've worked plenty with my own resistance. And it's the first thing I address with my clients.

    Going to war with it doesn't work. First, to fight with something, you have to hold it there. How can you let it go while you're holding onto it? And secondly, anger is a lousy motivator. It might get you fired up in the first place (long enough to think that's a great book), but that fire isn't sustainable. Unless you restoke it with more fighting by calling the resistance back into the ring.

    I'm with you. Let's take a peek at what's driving the resistance and work with that -- in whatever kind of way works for you.

    Your techniques and exercises are great. I've described them as sneaking in the bathroom window to the subconscious because I've got all the doors barred. Love it!

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  11. I'm so glad to have found this conversation.

    As much as I respect Godin & Pressfield, when I was reading War of Art, I kept asking myself, "Who does this work for? Because it doesn't for any human being I have ever met." And as Pressfield admits late in the book, it doesn't work for him either. The war is never won. Even the battle can't be won. But he keeps fighting.

    Since Havi Brooks turned me on to your stuff, I've been reading all of your books and doing the work, I had better stop now or I will just start gushing like a silly fangirl. :)

    And if you ever want some help with that subscription website, let's just say I could help with that.

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  12. Well, Sonia, I wouldn't mind talking to you about that. Head over to www.barbarasher.com and scroll down to 'write Barbara' (or whatever we called it) and send me an email. :-)

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  13. Loving this article and the comments. To consider the idea of failure being a casualty of how things are designed. Love it. It reminds me too of an article I wrote called 'The Upside of Procrastination' - I was overwhelmed writing my first screenplay and noticed how blissed out I felt when I procrastinated. It had become the drug of choice. I'll add it to this conversation just in case anyone wants to consider the beautiful side effects of a day of conscious procrastination: http://xtyne.typepad.com/niyasisk/2007/07/on-the-upside-o.html

    Thank you for this wonderful discussion. Niya

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