Sigh. I'm going to catch a lot of hell for this.
After commenting on the post about Pressfield's book on this delightfully named website -
The World's Strongest Librarian: http://bit.ly/b6WuW1
- I got a couple of responses, and all of them defended the book. I was perplexed until a couple of comments on that site made me realize something I had forgotten: lots of people have never thought of their procrastinating behavior as 'Resistance,' or even that procrastination/avoidance has a name. And, though they don't specifically say it, the name indicates a thought that is radical the first time you think it: some part of you is procrastinating deliberately.
It is an exciting thought but it makes me realize that such people are at the beginning. I've been working with resistance so much and for so long, that I continually forget that.
Here's the very thoughtful (and most relevant) comment about my comment:
Jenny March 6, 2010 at 9:51 pm
Thanks for the information Barbara. I’ll definitely check out your site. Personally, I love the way Pressfield presents everything so simply. I think the concepts you bring up are very interesting but perhaps a little more in depth than many people want to/or are willing to go? I wouldn’t knock his book because of it because what I love about it is that he simply defines the issue and then gives real ways to fix it in your life. Regardless, thanks for stopping by and for sharing.
I was considering that when a few more posts showed up (by a number of posters who probably didn't see my comment) that proved her point. This is the best example:
"I’m freaked out that it has a name now. This concept is blowing me away because now it has a name. It’s something tangible and something that I can stare in the face and say, 'hi, let’s get over it.'"
From that came two more thoughts:
First: I remember occasionally hearing the same thing from my live audiences or via emails. So Jenny is right and I have to remember that from now on.
Second: Why did she have to end her comment with "It’s something...that I can stare in the face and say, 'hi, let’s get over it.'"
Now I have to get back into the ring. Damn it.
The term "Resistance," really is an exciting description of procrastination. It has echoes of "Resistance fighters." It's a revelation when you first discover your passive procrastinating for what it really is: a part of you that will actually battle your efforts to do what you want to do.
Now, that might seem obvious, and it made me smile at her delight in finally seeing procrastination for what it really is. But then I looked at the final sentence in that comment: "It’s something...that I can stare in the face and say, 'hi, let’s get over it.'"
And therein lies the rub.
I don't want to say anything bad about Pressfield's book. It's a beautiful book and he's a very good writer. That's one of the highest compliments I give. And his book is among the best I've seen with his message. And I don't want to provoke a lot of angry or defensive responses either. I thought about letting this whole thing pass and forgetting about it. But I can't.
Because I want to check up a few weeks or months down the road on that poster -- and the others like her -- who said "It’s something...that I can stare in the face and say, 'hi, let’s get over it,'"so I can ask them a question that's always burning in my brain at these times: 'How's that working for you?'
Invigorating calls to action like Pressfield's are irresistible. And traditional: (Once more unto the breach!) and the best ones will launch a pleasurable fresh resolve to conquer our blocks to action.
It never lasts, but, you might say, so what? If it gets you started again and makes you feel you have some control over that dream-killer, procrastination, where's the harm?
Here's my answer: There's no harm at all if you end up thinking, "Hey, maybe this doesn't work. Maybe resistance isn't all that easy to conquer. Maybe I need to know more."
But experience tells me that this isn't not what most people think when that exhilarating feeling fades and their efforts to write or paint or market their business once again grind to a halt. What they think -- and this is why I keep getting cranky about it -- is, "I've failed again."
You're okay if you say "I tried, it didn't work, let's return it." You're not okay if you believe that "I tried it, it didn't work for me, it works for better people, it's my fault."
If it really were your fault, that might be accurate. But it isn't.
And yet people keep saying it in my classes, in emails, on teleclasses: "I know I should think more positively/I know I should be able to conquer this procrastination, I've tried but I couldn't do it -- I'll try again," as they try once again to rev themselves up like a coach at halftime."
And I feel like someone is setting them up to think they should be able to do something that real humans can't do: conquer that powerful, primitive inner impulse to resist, with nothing but that unreliable newcomer, will power.
It's like having your 7 year old kid come home from school believing he's a failure because he can't sink a basketball through a hoop designed for taller people. You want to know who told him that and give them a piece of your mind.
In this case, we humans, all of us, are that 7-year-old kid. We can't make war on resistance and hope to win and I want to know who told us that we could. We have to quit trying the same thing and expecting different results. There are better ways to melt resistance.
Feel free to ask me what I believe they are.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Re The War of Art
I left this comment on a site reviewing The War of Art.
People I know like this book, so I bought it lst year and read it. And, as usual, I got pissed off.
In more diplomatic terms, I faced what a writer speaker with a lot of years of searching, learning, developing new methods for dealing with resistance, and writing 7 books about it often faces:
1) Frustration that readers are settling for Descriptions (here's what resistance is, here's what it does, you'll find it when you want to do things, you'll hate yourself, etc. etc.)instead of Prescriptions (here's what to do about this kind of resistance, and here's what to do when the Big Resistance has you, and here's when to do these things)and
2)some evil envy that books like this one are bigger bestsellers than my bestsellers.
I like this book, too, but like so many others, it doesn't seem concerned with the sources of resistance. Why do we resist? All I could find was that it has something to do with our 'dark side.' (That's from memory, so excuse if it's not exactly what Pressman said.) I don't know how anyone can be satisfied with that explanation. I never have been.
I've spent many years coming up with ways to get around resistance. In fact, I've been called The Resistance Whisperer, and often write on my blog of that name. (There's a letter to Seth Godin there now, that I don't want to bump down, so I'll wait a while to post on this subject over there.)
I've gotten great results with the methods I've developed in every book I've written and workshop and retreat I've run. But when resistance is tenacious, there's something under it, and that's what's always seemed most important to me.
One thing I know doesn't work -- and I've been very clear about this for a very long time -- is Positive Thinking. Another is toughing it out, battling resistance with determination, will power, self-discipline (aka 'The Male, Military Model.'). A little respect is due Resistance. It's much more powerful than our puny efforts to wrestle it to the ground. But, although we are weak, we are clever and tricky, and when it comes to ways of getting around resistance, I've seen a lot of great tips and tricks, and I've produced a lot of good ones myself.
I've found a number of things that do work. The one people pull out their pens to write down in my audiences is "Isolation is the dreamkiller." I have a cartoon booklet called 'How To Get What You Really Want When You Have No Character, No Goals, And You're Often in a Lousy Mood," that advises readers to start a team or buddy system. These are powerful weapons again resistance. The work like school worked, like the IRS works: with structure and accountability.
But even that is often not enough. When there's a stone in your shoe, nothing fixes it but to sit down, take your shoe off, and remove the stone. Toughing it out with self discipline isn't often the smart thing to do in my opinion. And no, my way doesn't require years of psychoanalysis. If my teleclasses go as they usually do, I'll be popping people out of resistance tonight and next week in less than 10 minutes.
I even have a blog dedicated to the subject. (See my signature below) And a bunch of best-selling books. (See amazon.com) All of them offer real solutions, and if the resistance just won't go away, they show you how to find that stone and get it out of your shoe.
Commiserating about resistance is very pleasant, but I argue that not very many people show you how to find out why resistance is stopping you and how you can melt it every time it shows up. I do.
Barbara Sher
www.geniuspress.com
http://theresistancewhisperer.blogspot.com
Twitter: @barbarasher
PS: I'm teaching my small master class for coaches to do the same and hoping their efforts will wake everyone up to this thinking. (I'm not promoting the class. It's closed and a new one won't start until next year, if at all.)
People I know like this book, so I bought it lst year and read it. And, as usual, I got pissed off.
In more diplomatic terms, I faced what a writer speaker with a lot of years of searching, learning, developing new methods for dealing with resistance, and writing 7 books about it often faces:
1) Frustration that readers are settling for Descriptions (here's what resistance is, here's what it does, you'll find it when you want to do things, you'll hate yourself, etc. etc.)instead of Prescriptions (here's what to do about this kind of resistance, and here's what to do when the Big Resistance has you, and here's when to do these things)and
2)some evil envy that books like this one are bigger bestsellers than my bestsellers.
I like this book, too, but like so many others, it doesn't seem concerned with the sources of resistance. Why do we resist? All I could find was that it has something to do with our 'dark side.' (That's from memory, so excuse if it's not exactly what Pressman said.) I don't know how anyone can be satisfied with that explanation. I never have been.
I've spent many years coming up with ways to get around resistance. In fact, I've been called The Resistance Whisperer, and often write on my blog of that name. (There's a letter to Seth Godin there now, that I don't want to bump down, so I'll wait a while to post on this subject over there.)
I've gotten great results with the methods I've developed in every book I've written and workshop and retreat I've run. But when resistance is tenacious, there's something under it, and that's what's always seemed most important to me.
One thing I know doesn't work -- and I've been very clear about this for a very long time -- is Positive Thinking. Another is toughing it out, battling resistance with determination, will power, self-discipline (aka 'The Male, Military Model.'). A little respect is due Resistance. It's much more powerful than our puny efforts to wrestle it to the ground. But, although we are weak, we are clever and tricky, and when it comes to ways of getting around resistance, I've seen a lot of great tips and tricks, and I've produced a lot of good ones myself.
I've found a number of things that do work. The one people pull out their pens to write down in my audiences is "Isolation is the dreamkiller." I have a cartoon booklet called 'How To Get What You Really Want When You Have No Character, No Goals, And You're Often in a Lousy Mood," that advises readers to start a team or buddy system. These are powerful weapons again resistance. The work like school worked, like the IRS works: with structure and accountability.
But even that is often not enough. When there's a stone in your shoe, nothing fixes it but to sit down, take your shoe off, and remove the stone. Toughing it out with self discipline isn't often the smart thing to do in my opinion. And no, my way doesn't require years of psychoanalysis. If my teleclasses go as they usually do, I'll be popping people out of resistance tonight and next week in less than 10 minutes.
I even have a blog dedicated to the subject. (See my signature below) And a bunch of best-selling books. (See amazon.com) All of them offer real solutions, and if the resistance just won't go away, they show you how to find that stone and get it out of your shoe.
Commiserating about resistance is very pleasant, but I argue that not very many people show you how to find out why resistance is stopping you and how you can melt it every time it shows up. I do.
Barbara Sher
www.geniuspress.com
http://theresistancewhisperer.blogspot.com
Twitter: @barbarasher
PS: I'm teaching my small master class for coaches to do the same and hoping their efforts will wake everyone up to this thinking. (I'm not promoting the class. It's closed and a new one won't start until next year, if at all.)
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